She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
