so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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