1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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