Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
