how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
