I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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