if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
