Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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