idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
