It's Friday. Sex?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
