I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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