I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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