Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
