i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
