I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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