I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
