As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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