I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
