If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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