and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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