I feel like abortions should bother me more
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
