i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
