you would pick up someone in the library
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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