Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
