At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
