that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
