Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
