Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
