Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
