where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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