I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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