My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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