Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
