Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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