So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
