some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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