Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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