The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just cut my nipple shaving
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Couch. On fire.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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