man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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