I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
