i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
