I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
