So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
