I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize