you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
