i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
