Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
