3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
