Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
