How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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