for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
