So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
