shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
