just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
