I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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