I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
