True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
