nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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