she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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