My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
